Distractions.

Last week & this week, I went through a purging of people out of my life. I don’t remember being this distracted & that’s because I never used to put so much stock in emotions,…

Until, now.

I feel like when I was younger, I was distracted by money. Recently, I was distracted by my heart. & I feel like, no matter what you do, if someone you want compares you to others in your most vulnerable moments & you felt as if you made space for them, but they chose someone else, that’s a lesson learned.

Comparison is the thief of joy & I ain’t got time. My sister had to ground me the other day & reminded me that I already graduated a few times. I can make space for people who wish me well & want what’s in my best interest.

Last year, I had a lot of judgmental people about my choices to work these contractor WFH 1099 jobs while I was Baylor nursing on the weekends. One year later, I secured my WFH job on schedule, but my budget made school suffer.

That year I had therapy & doctors’ appointments, a lot of broken friendships after I went through my ordeal, & a lot of people just playing in my face, plain & simple. I picked-up bookkeeping & got back into school. This Fall, I’m crossing my fingers for getting back in, but, if not, I got a Plan B for the same route with a higher degree.

Then, last year, I had to replace a car (so glad I did) &, now, my next move is moving out & completing my next steps. I’m so glad people showed me who they were & there will be more to follow.

Now, I’m only living for myself. I plan to get pregnant after these last couple of degrees. After that baby is 1 or 2, I will most likely start on a terminal degree while doing art & my other hobbies on the side. My baby might come from a sperm-bank, but, the man I want doesn’t compare me, but, shows me what I’m doing wrong & only sees me. Not what he believes can replace me.

I’ve learned a lot. How to fight for your heart, who & what not to fight for, & fighting for the intangible. As in, it’s not a safe bet. I’ve also learned not to friend mfs who want what you have. Leave them fools alone. I heal better knowing that I walked-away from situations that do not honor me.

I start my garden, soon, & will own a koto, soon. I also will be active the rest of the year focusing on my side projects & working on being a better me. I plan to work on my personality, but, also, keeping my personality, if that makes sense, lol. 😂 I think my discernment comes off as stuck-up. My bad.

Now, will I cry tears in silence, later? Maybe. 🤔 I said a prayer to God years ago, if I cry over someone, may I never run into them, again,… & He has upheld this prayer since then. I really don’t run into them folks, lol 😂.

Anywho, I looked at the list I put into my Bible, & I have manifested a good bit of it. It’s time for clearing out bigger goals. I don’t care if I seem too independent. I don’t care if I seem like my standards are too high. I really don’t give a f* about how people think I should act or feel. There’s a vision I have & I’m gonna do it.

My next love might be my last love & I put that on everything. 💕 & I’m preparing for someone who sees me as I said above. When I’m locked-in, it’s gonna be forever & he will be all I see. I plan to take my L’s to the chin & do what I can for my actual true love.

& I will continue to prepare as I work on being non-distracted & focused. I will never make space for potential, again, but I will make space for demonstrative love & getting rid of dead connections was the beginning.

Here’s to a more positive future,…

Love 💕,

Sapph